Eight Things You May Not Know About Paul Ryan

Mitt Romney’s running mate for the 2012 Presidential election has QUITE the checkered past. How in the world did he get vetted?

1. As a teen, he lost his virginity to his father’s former mistress. Admittedly, they’re happily married now, but that’s a rather questionable start to a romance, wouldn’t you say?

2. From 1986 to 1991, he looked like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. His father is an internationally wanted criminal and also Swedish royalty. It is entirely possible Ryan himself is not an American citizen. Has anyone seen his long form birth certificate?

4. He’s been married five times, presumed dead at least twice and also kidnapped his infant daughter, Eliza.

5. Dead girl. Rose garden. You do the math.

5a. Dead girl named Rose. You do the math.

6. Ryan briefly had a microchip implanted in his brain, which controlled his behavior. He has also suffered from amnesia.

7. Ryan’s mother, designer Barbara Ryan, is married to his half-brother, Henry Coleman.

8. Ryan bears a startling resemblance to Pennsylvania newspaper magnate and ex-con Todd Manning:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is this a man we want in the White House?

 

(Compared to the real Paul Ryan? ABSO-frickin-LUTELY.)

 

The Tao of Mala: Twitter round-up

Every once in a while I actually say something on Twitter that’s a) mildly profound or b) potentially worthy of being put on a t-shirt. Thought I’d do a little round-up of recent tweets that tickled my fancy.

Riddle me this: Why would the Secret Service have a Twitter account? Isn’t that counterintuitive? #threecankeepasecretifnoneareonTwitter
12:05 PM May 19th via web

I admit I may have done a few steps of Numfar’s Dance of Vindication this week. It’s like his Dance of Joy mixed with Sweet’s soft-shoe.
9:22 AM May 19th via web

If you think karma’s a bitch, you should see her mother. #thetaoofmala
May 18, 2011 8:20:49 PM EDT via web

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Soap Opera Weekly: Blogging With Mala

Is it YOUNG AND RESTLESS’s intention to make me want to punch Billy in the face this week? Somehow, I’m thinkin’ no. We’re supposed to root for him as he worries about his pregnant bride, Victoria, and her tyrant of a father who’s scheming against them. The problem…? This is also the week that Billy’s nephew, Chance, was brutally cut down in a drug bust gone awry…and Billy’s been about as affected by it as if he saw some stranger’s death reported on the news. 

I don’t blame actor Billy Miller in the least. I know he’s perfectly capable of pulling off deeper emotions, as is his playboy character. This is more of a scripting and direction issue! Why were we seeing Cane, who is not even related to Chance by blood, taking Jill and Phillip in his arms to comfort them, while Billy made distancing, casual mentions about how his ex-wife, Chloe, is taking the death so hard? And the blocking of Billy’s scenes had Miller standing apart from everyone; his body language aloof. I’m not a director, but I was sitting there, watching, and silently willing him to move closer to his loved ones…to at least muster up a sheen of tears on behalf of Jill’s grief! I know Chance and Billy were romantic rivals and didn’t get along, but they’re still related. At the least, Chance was Delia’s stepfather figure, and meant a whole heck of a lot to Jill and Katherine, you know? This kind of “islanding” of characters, forgetting their basic family ties, is really jarring. Billy should be more invested in these family scenes! Instead, he went off with Victoria to get wedding rings tattooed on their fingers. Apparently Y&R wants us to think Billy considers ink thicker than blood? 

The same thing happened for me watching yesterday’s AS THE WORLD TURNS, when the extended Snyder clan was skipping around merrily, plotting Carly and Jack’s latest reunion and discussing Liberty’s college plans. Do they just not care that Lily and Holden’s son just experienced a gut-wrenching loss? That Jack’s former sister-in-law (and ex-girlfriend!), Katie, nearly lost another lover when Chris’ condition took a turn for the worse? It was as if the scenes were taking place in an alternate version of Oakdale, where nobody talks to each other! It was Dusty, of all people, who acknowledged last week’s story arc, when he asked John, in passing, how Chris was doing. WTH, dude? 

It reminds me of how no one on GENERAL HOSPITAL acknowledged the vampires and werewolves running around on PORT CHARLES…and that’s not a good reminder, since both ATWT and Y&R are complete shows, not a parent and its spin-off.

originally posted on soapoperaweekly.com

Soap Opera Weekly: Blogging With Mala

Confession time: Now that I’ve seen it…? I think the end of the Reid/Luke arc might be one of ATWT’s better wrap-up stories. And to don my trusty flame-retardant suit and espouse an even more unpopular opinion, I don’t think the death of Reid is inherently homophobic. In fact, I’m not exactly certain how the term, defined as an “unreasoning fear of or antipathy toward homosexuals and homosexuality,” applies to a show on which the importance of Luke Snyder as a legacy character has been stressed over the course of nearly five years. That he is loved, that he has fallen in love, has never been in question; never been treated with derision or scorn. That ATWT has had to deal with behind-the-scenes network constraints and vocal opposition from bigots is a separate issue from their actual narrative. 

If ATWT were really homophobic, they wouldn’t have gay characters at ALL. Or their gay characters would be cartoonish, predatory stereotypes who’d last about five minutes for some asinine storyline and then be summarily forgotten. The character certainly would not be the heart of the Snyder family, or a cantankerous doctor that viewers would grow to love. 

I was a mess during Tuesday’s episode, but it wasn’t because Reid died. Y’all know I loved Reid. I was on the Reid train (oops, poor choice of metaphor) before most of ATWT fandom got on board. (Heck, I’m pretty sure I coined the pairing name “LuRe.”) But I wept because Luke was suffering, and Van Hansis portrayed him so well that I felt an intense amount of empathy. We’ve shined a lot of light on Eric Sheffer Stevens and Reid this year, but Hansis is no slouch. His Luke is half of LuRe, the key character in this equation, and, for me, the one whose development ultimately matters the most. 
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Daytime’s true colors aren’t shining through

Yesterday, for the first time in years, we had a black leading man highlighted on daytime: U.S. President Barack Obama, on The View. Yes, folks, in order to have a full hour devoted to a black man in daytime programming, to have a voice and tell a story on the front burner, he has to be the most powerful elected official in our country. “Post-racial,” my ass!

This was the absurd series of thoughts that was running through my head this morning…that soaps are a truly fascinating microcosm of society and yet, the seven shows we have on air do not represent current American society in the least. A genre that helped women realize they had places outside the home and validity outside the traditional two-parent household, that featured integration and AIDS education and cancer awareness…has fallen behind in mirroring what this nation has become. We have one significant leading man of color: Maurice Benard as General Hospital‘s Sonny. One. And his half-Cuban (God forbid he be wholly Cuban!) character is an unrepentant mobster. Um…whoo-hoo? Yay? All My Children‘s Hubbard family, The Young and the Restless‘ Winters and Days of our Lives’ Carvers barely rate airtime unless they’re in scenes with white characters. Latin characters are few and far between as well: Days‘ Hernandez family will soon be losing a member, when Arianna is written off; AMC jettisoned the Santoses, and Y&R‘s Rafe holds the trifecta of being Latin, gay and seldom seen. And Asians…? Please. In the 32 years I’ve been watching soaps, there has been one contract Indian character on soaps…Dr. Saira Batra, and she was on GH: Night Shift. Can you imagine CNN telling Sanjay Gupta he could only have a significant role after 11 PM? GH‘s Kelly Lee is a glorified dayplayer. Y&R‘s Ji Min Kim was killed off. I mean, I could go on and on listing the examples of diversity fail…but listing it does no good. Someone has to change it.

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Soap Opera Weekly: Blogging With Mala

Is the Daytime Emmy Awards broadcast already upon us Gasp! That means it’s time for my 3rd Annual Mala’s Made-Up Awards. For those just tuning in to my blog, this is where I totally punk out of making Emmy predictions, because I have no ability to pick winners! Making up awards instead is much more up my alley! (Check Aug. 28, 2009, for last year’s, and June 20 for 2008’s!) 

Most Entertaining Show: B&B and DAYS.
Best Surprise Couple: ATWT’s Barbara and Henry, B&B’s Stephen and Pam, and DAYS’ Victor and Maggie.
Best Couple That The Show Reaaaally Wants Us To Like: GH’s Dante and Lulu.
Best New Character: ATWT’s Reid Oliver (like I was going to say anything else?).
Best New Character Played By a Soap Vet: Dahlia Salem as GH’s Claire.
Best Recast:Marcy Rylan as Y&R’s nuAbby.
Guest Appearance I Will Never Get Tired Of: Snoop Dogg being on OLTL.
You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby: GH’s Ethan. Yes, I actually like him now. Don’t die of shock!
I Think I’m a Clone Now: ATWT’s Gabriel and AMC’s Damon. Seriously, they’re the same character…with the same hair!
Best Love Scene: OLTL’s Kyle and Fish’s New Year’s Eve fireworks!
Most Trauma-inducing Love Scene: B&B’s Oliver and Brooke.
Most Memorable Line of the Year: B&B’s Stephanie and, “Say hello to Beth for me!”
Biggest Jerkface: OLTL’s Ford.
The Miranda Montgomery Cutest Baby Award: DAYS’ Sydney.
Biggest Waste of Potential: OLTL’s Schuyler being made Roxy’s son and then being shipped off canvas!
Best Realization of Potential:Lexi Ainsworth as GH’s Kristina. She has really come into her own.
Most Froth-inducing Storyline: GH’s Sonny shooting an unarmed Dante in the chest, GH’s Michael getting maybe-or-maybe-not-raped in prison.
Best Social Issue Storyline: B&B’s Sandy/Aggie’s rape reveal.
The Paging-Clone-Reva WTH?! Award: ATWT’s Mick Dante.
I Would Watch It On a Loop: OLTL’s Kyle or Fish holding baby Sierra Mist.
Most Missed Veteran: AMC’s David Canary (Adam).
The Chester-the-Molester Skeevy Pairing Award: OLTL’s Langston and Ford.
The Dorian Gray Portrait-in-the-Attic Award: GH’s Jonathan Jackson (Lucky).
The I Want To Give Brody Lovett An Award Award: OLTL’s Brody.
Best Use of History: ATWT’s Bob and Kim’s non-iversary/remarriage, DAYS’ Alice’s death arc and all the family returns during it.
Worst Rewrite of History: ATWT’s Lily, Lucinda and Sierra keeping Craig’s illegitimate son, Gabriel, from him.
Best Death: B&B’s Ann. It was Betty White, dude. Come on.
Worst Death: AS THE WORLD TURNS. Duh.
Best Return: ATWT’s Simon coming back to comfort Katie. (Come baaaaaack, Simon!)
Most Unsurprising Return: Y&R’s Adam.
Worst Return: OLTL’s Mitch Laurence.
Biggest Unsolved Mysteries: Why no one runs into OLTL’s Kyle or Fish at Llanview’s hospital or police station, where ATWT’s Jade has disappeared to and why B&B’s Brooke doesn’t know Ridge’s body intimately after all this time.

originally posted on soapoperaweekly.com

Regarding (Martinis With) Henry…

I capped off my April 17 As the World Turns fan weekend experience by attending Martinis With Henry at Latitude on Eighth Avenue, between 47th and 48th Street. What a fantastic gathering! This year, to accommodate a bigger head count, the fabulous ladies who run Trent Dawson‘s fan club went with two rooms instead of one, spanning the bar’s upper level. It was perfect! As most of the cast, Mr. Dawson himself included, were still at the Marriott Marquis signing (well after the official luncheon had ended, which was so cool of them all), it afforded me a great opportunity to find a spot at the bar in the back room and get to know some of the people who had come to New York City for this wonderful weekend.

The martini menu was hilarious, full of theme drinks like the “Maddietini,” the “Barbaratini” and the “Dr. Reidtini.” (The latter was gin and vermouth, so, no I didn’t drink it.) I had to give in and try the “Bloody Stenbeck,” which involved Absolut Citron, blood orange puree, Triple Sec and sour mix. You don’t have to worry about me “drinking on the job,” because about five minutes after I ordered it, I accidentally hit the glass with my elbow and spilled it all over the bar. That, my friends, is the kind of klutz I am! You can’t take me anywhere! With indulging in libations thus scratched off my list, I occupied myself talking to people. And that was a lot easier after spending the whole morning gabbing. By the time the actors arrived, I had acquainted myself with a lovely couple from Boston. From our vantage point, we could see across to the other room, where everyone was trooping up the stairs. And given that Eric Sheffer Stevens (Reid) and Jon Prescott (ex-Mike) both wore red plaid shirts that day, I remember thinking, “Wait, which one of them is that?” They actually both showed up, along with Ewa da Cruz (Vienna), Colleen Zenk Pinter (Barbara), Marie Wilson (Meg), Todd Rotondi (ex-Bryant), Tom Pelphrey (ex-Mick, who was also wearing plaid…it was a plethora of plaid up in there!), Terri Colombino (Katie), and Austin Peck (Brad). Austin had actually just finished up the matinee performance of The Irish Curse and decided to come hang out before the evening performance. I thought that was so sweet! He is, sincerely, one of the nicest guys I’ve had the pleasure of working with, and I always enjoy seeing him. 

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