Every once in a while I actually say something on Twitter that’s a) mildly profound or b) potentially worthy of being put on a t-shirt. Thought I’d do a little round-up of recent tweets that tickled my fancy.

Riddle me this: Why would the Secret Service have a Twitter account? Isn’t that counterintuitive? #threecankeepasecretifnoneareonTwitter
12:05 PM May 19th via web

I admit I may have done a few steps of Numfar’s Dance of Vindication this week. It’s like his Dance of Joy mixed with Sweet’s soft-shoe.
9:22 AM May 19th via web

If you think karma’s a bitch, you should see her mother. #thetaoofmala
May 18, 2011 8:20:49 PM EDT via web

There’s nothing like a delectable slice of schadenfreude to make you forget your own troubles!
11:23 AM May 18th via web

There is only one Bob, and Don Hastings is his prophet. #thetaoofmala
9:27 AM May 18th via web

This weather is really not conducive to productivity. Unlike Shirley Manson, I am not only happy when it rains.
7:53 AM May 18th via web

Dude. I just learned that if you sell unpasteurized milk across state lines, it’s considered contraband. Does that mean it’s mooooonshine?
4:28 PM May 17th via web

We just had a ten minute digression about bosoms. #toheaveornottoheavethatisthequestion
10:17 AM May 17th via web

My future’s so dim, I gotta wear night vision goggles. #thetaoofmala
11:58 AM May 14th via web

When one door closes, another one opens…to reveal a three piece mariachi band. #thetaoofmala
5:23 PM May 12th via txt

When God closes a door, it’s usually on someone’s foot. #thetaoofmala
5:22 PM May 12th via txt