Soap Opera Weekly: Blogging With Mala

I’m glad I can always count on my co-workers to get me through especially trying episodes of my shows. Joe and I “live-blogged” some of today’s ATWT … purely by accident, because we couldn’t stop e-mailing each other in morbid fascination. This is dedicated to Bonnie; she knows why! (Or, actually, given her lack of mental acuity today, maybe she doesn’t.) 

Mala: Well, announcing Casey’s brother died is certainly one way to put a damper on Noah and Luke lovin’. Thanks, Alison. Not.
Joe: Aaaaaand, Rosanna bursts into song! Local cop: “Don’t let me stop you from SINGING IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORE.” 

Mala: I sing in the middle of stores ALL THE TIME, Joe.
Joe: With guitar? 

Mala: Okay, not with guitar. But I do have backup dancers.
Joe: Awww, 6 people to “celebrate” Adam. 

Mala: Well, luckily Ali mentioned it was a private family funeral. But the Hughes clan is BIGGER THAN THAT. What about Bob and Kim? And Nancy and Lisa?
Joe: That must be Riley. So he supposedly went all the way to Oakdale for a dude he met in “what passes for a tavern”? Dude, e-mail! It’s 2009! Oh, god, Margo called him a “sergeant” and he’s clearly wearing two stripes — making him a corporal! Cops use stripes to denote sergeants, so Margo would totally know better. 

Mala: Seriously. That’s just shoddy. AND WHY WOULD YOU NOT RECOGNIZE ELIZA, BONNIE? Ahem, excuse my capslock rage. The kid is RIGHT in front of her! OMG!
Joe: All babies look alike to her! 

Mala: She thinks it’s Winston Churchill!
Joe: If only Dusty were there… he’d know what to do about an abandoned baby. 

Mala: Try to adopt it?
Joe: No, he would give it to Lucy to run away with. Wait, maybe Lucy was already there — check under the baby carrier for guns! 


Mala: The post-funeral reception is just as pathetic as the church turnout “Did you know Colonel Winston Mayer?” Bwah! Luke’s line delivery was priceless. 
Joe: “Yeah, he’s my CO… he gave me the leave to come here.” 

Mala: This plot would’ve been over in one episode if only Riley had said that. Oh, look, it’s Bonnie and Dusty again.
Joe: “Boy, this apple tastes good. Oh, and I saw a baby.” 

Mala: “Did it look like Eliza?” “Why would I know what the baby we’re tracking down looks like? Got a picture?”
Joe: “No, I don’t. Maybe we should get one!” 

Mala: Worst. Detectives. Ever.
Joe: “Since apparently neither of us would recognize the kid WE’RE LOOKING FOR on sight!” 

Mala: “Enh. Details. See how cute my blue trenchcoat is?”
Joe: “Is that blue? I have trouble recognizing things right in front of my face.” 

Mala: Dusty, join the 21st century and keep a photo of your girlfriend’s kid on your iPhone, okay?
Joe: Right, or have her email you one now. Or take the baby’s photo and send it to Meg. “Is this Eliza or Winston Churchill?” Meg would be sarcastic and say, “Yep, that’s Winston Churchill.” And then Dusty and Bonnie would leave town without the kid. 

Mala: I’d watch that episode. I really would. LOL.


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