Not only did I watch 90210 last night like half the planet, but I am all caught up on NIGHT SHIFT after slacking last week. And, yes, I realize my guesses from Aug. 27 about what happened weren’t exactly on the mark. The kids with Cystic Fibrosis who wanted to get married are officially my favorite patients of the season so far. I almost cried at their goodbye scene on either side of the door. Capping off their plight was the incredibly resonant conversation Robin and Patrick had, where he admitted he felt like an outsider because he wasn’t HIV+, too, and she told him she needed him to be healthy so he could raise their child if anything happened to her. Two and half hankies! I was sniffling all over the place.

This week’s episode had its own emotional ups and downs, but the highlight was definitely seeing Mac, Robert, and Robin together like a family. I mean, not only did Mac’s Australian accent return (Haven’t heard it in years! LOL!), but watching him and Robert rib each other and swap stories was so much more fulfilling than the punch in the face during the 2006 virus story on GH. And Robin sitting cuddled with Robert before his surgery brought to mind little Robin in the old days so acutely that I even felt like a kid again. Speaking of kids, it was a nonexistent baby bump week! Robin’s fictional fetus fluctuates weight more than me on the Atkins diet!

Claire’s adorable and annoying patient, Ryan, cracked me up and my eyebrows rose at some of the dialogue they got away with. And Leo and Saira…? I was officially SO over them and waving the Jagger/Saira banner — until Leo broke down and asked Saira for help and then admitted how he feels about her. Just when you get out, they suck you back in!

Now, on to Rob Thomas’ (of VERONICA MARS fame) version of 90210. Permit me to use a highly technical TV review term… “meh.” The only reason I tuned in was to hear what my favorite Beverly Hills residents are up to now. Jennie Garth looks fabulous (I’ve always been a Kelly girl; sorry Brenda people!) and though Rob Estes was a MELROSE PLACE guy and not reprising that role, he looks great. I can’t believe that he and Lori “Aunt Becky” Loughlin are now playing parents of teens. Tangentially, I got the double whammy of seeing my AMERICAN HEIRESS favorite AnnaLynne McCord (ex-Loren) winning the Andrea Zuckerman Award for Oldest Fake Teen at West Beverly and seeing James Patrick Stuart PLAY HER DAD. AMC’s Will Cortlandt. Her. Dad. Oh my God.

For that, and many other reasons 90210 v.2.0 is so freakishly jarring. I can’t get over how much skinnier the girls are, how much more risque the show is, etc. Are we SUPPOSED to root for sweet little Annie (Shenae Grimes, ex-Darcy, DEGRASSI) to hook up with Ethan, the guy who was getting uh “serviced” in his car the first time we saw him? Ew. Where’s my Dylan? Where’s my Brandon? (Besides in Belize calling Kelly at 3 a.m., I mean.) When the most appealing guy is the cute English teacher (Ryan Eggold), you know you’re in trouble. I don’t care if Ethan surfs, he is no Dylan McKay. I had a poster of Luke Perry on my bedroom wall as a teen; I take any attempts to fill his pre-emo James Dean-knockoff shoes very seriously.

It was interesting to see which archetypes they did borrow from the old show. Of COURSE the brown guy, Navid (Michael Steger) is the new David Silver… and there’s a beefy blond guy that’s Steve-esque. Siblings Annie and Dixon (Tristan Wilds), with their adjoining rooms, do give off a Brenda/Brandon vibe. But I think my favorite teen is Erin Silver (the stunning Jessica Stroup). Not only is she quirky and edgy, but she’s tied to the canvas! I loved her scenes with “big sis” Kelly, even though I had to suspend disbelief because there’s NO way she and Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquez would be the same age. At least through Erin, we’ll get to see Jackie and hopefully find out that big bro David is off preventing robots from taking over the earth!

originally posted on soapoperaweekly.com