In no particular order, here are the things about getting around in New York City that make me want to go all “Hulk!Smash.”
1. People who stand blocking the train doors and DON’T MOVE when the train stops.
2. Guys who span 2-3 seats because they won’t keep their knees together (ironically, it’s always women being warned to keep our legs together, isn’t it?). Dude, your junk can’t possibly be THAT big. If it is, go get checked for elephantiasis.
3. Cars that don’t wait for pedestrians to cross before turning left on a green light. Pedestrian right-of-way: LOOK IT UP.
4. Cyclists who ride on the sidewalk, the wrong way down a street, across crosswalks, etc. What the Hell are you training for, the Tour De My Boot in Your Pants?
5. People who converge on street corners to chat, pull out maps, and generally block the flow of pedestrian traffic.
6. Tangentially, I also hate people who stop and take pictures of themselves and their families in the middle of the sidewalk. Dude, it’s a sidewalk. It’s a building in a big city. Get over it.
7. On an escalator: Pass to the left, stand to the right. HOW hard is that to figure out when there are twenty bajillion people chilling on the right side and people trooping up the left? Don’t stand there like a dumbass and block the way for the people behind you.
8. Musicians performing on the subway during the morning and evening rush hour commute. It might seem like a profitable time for mariachis, a capella singers and crazy old ladies playing the whistle, but they’re just making commuters think of ways to stuff their instruments where the sun don’t shine.
9. It’s great that you love your shiny iPod and your vast array of music. However, an iPod is not a boombox. Dial down the decibel level. Are you actively trying to start a subway sing-along or render yourself deaf?
10. Groups of kids (of all racial backgrounds) who stand together, dropping the n-word left and right. People fought and gave their lives so that the black community would be seen as more than that single, ugly word. It’s a shame to see that it’s become so ingrained into youth language and culture, with such common, casual usage. Does anyone under the age of 25 even know what it means anymore?