“Is it bad that I assume everyone gets killed on GH?” I asked my Twitter followers today. So, with major apologies to Edward Gorey and his famous Gashlycrumb Tinies, I simply cannot resist a tongue-in-cheek send-up of the show’s death toll in recent years.

A is for AJ, who caught so much flack
B stands for Brian, shot in the back
C is for Cooper, strung up as a lie
D is for Diego, who was hung out to dry
E is for Emily, who went “gurgle, thump”
F is for Faith, erased by Durant’s chump
G is for Georgie, who choked out her last breath
H is for Hernando, whom Sonny gifted with death
I is for Ian, whom Jason put down.
J is for Jesse, taken out by a clown.
K is for Kiefer, slayed by a former D.A.
L is for Luis, who died in a similar way
M is for Manny, who fell off a roof
N is for Nico — don’t ask me for proof
O is for Ronan O’Reilly, crushed on the pitch
P heralds Port Charles, where life’s always a bitch
Q is for Quartermaines, whittled to bone
R is for Reese, who died all alone
S is for Stefan and Stavros, who Cassa-died
T is for Tony, thanks to antiviruses untried
U celebrates Useless Dayplayers left to expire
V is for Violence, which GH should retire!
W is for Warren, brought down by Mac
X marks the spot for Mister John Jacks
Y Claudia got whacked was Michael’s big fail
Z is for Zander, cut down in a hail!

originally posted on soapoperaweekly.com