I’m feeling a tad pet-peevish about my reading lately. It seems everywhere I turn, there are a few tropes and archetypes that just keep cropping up over and over — ones that jerk me out of a story instead of feeling organic. Allow me to vent. Wait, this is my own blog. I don’t need your permission! So, without further ado…

1. The virgin or near-virgin heroine who has never known pleasure until the hero and his holy thunderstick come into the picture. Girlfriend, get a vibrator!

2. The manwhore hero who has never spent the whole night actually sleeping with a woman. Because when he hogs the covers and Dutch-ovens you, that’s how you know it’s true love.

3. The heroine who thinks all other women are slutty ho-bags who are too tall/too skinny/too blonde, etc. No. Just no.

4. “I’m recovering from emotional or medical trauma, and instead of seeing a therapist or considering medication, I’m going to visit a sex club and get a Dom! ” BDSM is not a cure-all. Being a submissive will not magically heal your soul, your cancer, your self-esteem or your genital warts. This goes for vanilla folk, too: The Love of a Good Man/Woman/Perpetual Threesome does not heal all wounds. For Pete’s sake (or mine), go see a medical professional or get a life coach and THEN get your sexual groove on.

5. The stripper who is only a stripper to pay for college/a relative’s medical care and, therefore, is allowed to snark on all other strippers as being sluts, whores and generally low-class people. See #3. Slamming other women’s choices is NOT an endearing quality in a heroine. Just because your hoo-ha is magic doesn’t mean it’s any more saintly in a g-string than the next girl’s.

[/rant]